I don't really know how to express my gratefulness adequately, but I will try. I am so, so thankful for those that have supported me through this. Many of you made an investment and/or prayed for me and for the work that God is doing in Chile, and I pray that you have been blessed! I certainly have.
Something that I learned a lot about this summer was God's goodness. I've experienced what it feels like to not always believe that He is good, because for me that often depends on the circumstance I am in. I can get really irritated when people say, "But don't worry, God is good and He has a plan!" Okay, I know you're trying to be encouraging and helpful, but I just don't believe it right now. And I began to question if I truly believed that God was good, or if I thought He was just some distant, far-off being who didn't really care about me or my life. I wrestled with this a lot this summer, and this lack of belief in His goodness is part of why it was so hard for me to leave Chile.
I realized that didn't believe that God would be good enough to give me what I wanted, and if there was no way that I could get what I wanted, I didn't believe that His other plans for me would still be good.
I hated realizing the depths of my lack of trust, but it helped me see what I was really struggling with: I didn't want to leave Chile because I wasn't sure if/when/how I would ever be able to get back.
THEN. I had a meeting last week with an associate Dean in the College of Education to find out more information about Student Teaching that I will be doing next fall. I have been interested in student teaching internationally, but I didn't know where. As I scanned the list of countries that are offered, my eyes found Chile and my heart started beating faster. WHY had I not thought of that?! That's when I realized that God was clearly showing me that it is possible. I doubt Him so often, but my lack of belief in His goodness has no impact on the truth - He is good, regardless of what I believe or don't believe.
I'm still not sure if I am meant to student teach in Chile, but I know that whether I return to Chile or He leads me somewhere else, He is always good and His plan is good, and those truths will never change.
