I knew from the beginning of this whole thing that the hardest part would be leaving Chile. Not getting ready for it, because that was exciting. Not being away from home for 2 months, because I've been away before. Returning to what is familiar and trying to apply the things that God has taught me in my everyday life I knew would be tough. But, I didn't know just how hard it would be to leave until I got here. And the past few days I've been trying to enjoy everything and soak up every last moment that I have here with people that I've come to love so dearly, but I'm so aware of the sadness that sets in every time I realize that days keep passing by, without regard for my hopeless desperation to stop them in their tracks.
This place and these people mean so, so much to me. God planned all along for me to stay with a family that welcomed me in so lovingly, who treated me like their daughter and sister who had always been here. Despite the pain and the difficulties they've faced as a family this past year, they've opened up their lives to me and welcomed me into the church that meets in their home, and I've witnessed firsthand how the Lord is drawing new members and growing the community and fellowship here in His love. And I never would have foreseen that my brother and sister - who live on the opposite side of the world - would have so many things in common with me: our love for music and worship, our hearts for loving kids and affirming their worth and wanting them to know that Christ loves them, regardless of their circumstances. I'm going to miss the heartfelt prayers and late-night chats, the back-and-forth conversations in Spanish (which I have gotten better at with practice), the songs we've sung and played together in both languages, the constant teasing and poking and name-calling, and falling asleep on each other on the couch. And I'm going to miss walking alongside them through hard things and through good things, and seeing what the Lord is doing day by day in their lives.
So, my heart is heavy. I know I'm meant to go home and complete what the Lord has given me to do there, but I will miss them all very, very much. Please pray that I have peace and joy for what is to come, and no regrets about leaving.
My team has been such a support and a blessing as well, and both the Millers' and Jones' are going through transitions as they prepare to return to the states. Please pray that they are able to discern where the Lord is leading them and that they can find homes and supporters when they return for this time.
I am so grateful for Christ's work here in Chile, in my heart and in the hearts of my new friends and team members. I'm completely blown away that I've been used so tangibly in His work here. I want to hold on to this joy and gratefulness so the sadness will be replaced with a growing, unshakeable hope for the next time I will have the opportunity to be used in another part of His Kingdom.
I want my heart to echo the words of Paul when he said -
"I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles, my joy knows no bounds."
2 Corinthians 7:4
That's what I want: despite the pain of separation, I want a joy that knows no bounds. A joy that only comes from Christ.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
Just be :)
I have had expectations about this trip. I expected to feel uncomfortable at times, to have no idea what was going on or what is being said, to feel in way over my head. And all of these things have definitely happened throughout this past month. But I was also expecting to be doing a lot. I was expecting to be doing things all the time, like planning English lessons and working with kids and doing, doing, doing. Because that's what I travelled so far to do, right??
But, the Lord has slowly revealed to me that He doesn't want me to do, do, do just to produce results for people who have supported me so I can tell them all the "good things" I did and all of the people that I helped. Or so I can feel good about myself.
He just desires for me to be.
To be me, to be who I am in Him and not busy myself with doing. To simply be in His presence and be open and willing to be used in His work. To soak it up and let the "doing" flow out from knowing Him better.
I've realized that it's when we sit back and allow the Lord to work that we can be passionately motivated by the heart of the Father instead of our own man-made, weightless ambition. I've been so moved the past few weeks through relationships that the Lord has put in my life here in Chile, and I cannot fathom the fact that I never would have met these new friends if I had never come here. This is something that I was not expecting at all, but I am so, so grateful that the Lord had a plan that was much better than what I could have imagined.
And here's the catch: I didn't DO a single thing - I just made myself available emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and the Lord did all the work. I opened up my life to my new sister, and the Lord used those conversations to work in her heart and she felt safe to open up to me in a way she had never done before. Seeing how the Lord used His work in my life to bless another sister in Christ so profoundly was one of the most moving things I've ever experienced, and I know that this sister of mine will be very close to my heart long after I leave Chile. I'm already dreading the day that is all-too-quickly approaching when I will have to say good-bye, but I know that the Lord has an incredible plan for her and for me. His goodness and provision is overflowing :)
Where in your life do you feel like you're working tirelessly, and you're still failing? Are you simply doing and not being? What would it look like for you to just take a step back and pray for the Lord to give you His perspective, and pray for His grace? Are there relationships in your life that you're not fully available for? I mean, are you really listening? Or, are you expecting something in return? Because the blessings that come from selfless, honest, completely transparent relationships is worth SO much more than pride and good appearances.
God can use you in your relationships to help others see who they really are in Christ. And although I haven't experienced every single thing there is to experience in the world, I can say with a good amount of confidence that there is probably nothing more life-changing or rewarding than that :)
But, the Lord has slowly revealed to me that He doesn't want me to do, do, do just to produce results for people who have supported me so I can tell them all the "good things" I did and all of the people that I helped. Or so I can feel good about myself.
He just desires for me to be.
To be me, to be who I am in Him and not busy myself with doing. To simply be in His presence and be open and willing to be used in His work. To soak it up and let the "doing" flow out from knowing Him better.
I've realized that it's when we sit back and allow the Lord to work that we can be passionately motivated by the heart of the Father instead of our own man-made, weightless ambition. I've been so moved the past few weeks through relationships that the Lord has put in my life here in Chile, and I cannot fathom the fact that I never would have met these new friends if I had never come here. This is something that I was not expecting at all, but I am so, so grateful that the Lord had a plan that was much better than what I could have imagined.
And here's the catch: I didn't DO a single thing - I just made myself available emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and the Lord did all the work. I opened up my life to my new sister, and the Lord used those conversations to work in her heart and she felt safe to open up to me in a way she had never done before. Seeing how the Lord used His work in my life to bless another sister in Christ so profoundly was one of the most moving things I've ever experienced, and I know that this sister of mine will be very close to my heart long after I leave Chile. I'm already dreading the day that is all-too-quickly approaching when I will have to say good-bye, but I know that the Lord has an incredible plan for her and for me. His goodness and provision is overflowing :)
Where in your life do you feel like you're working tirelessly, and you're still failing? Are you simply doing and not being? What would it look like for you to just take a step back and pray for the Lord to give you His perspective, and pray for His grace? Are there relationships in your life that you're not fully available for? I mean, are you really listening? Or, are you expecting something in return? Because the blessings that come from selfless, honest, completely transparent relationships is worth SO much more than pride and good appearances.
God can use you in your relationships to help others see who they really are in Christ. And although I haven't experienced every single thing there is to experience in the world, I can say with a good amount of confidence that there is probably nothing more life-changing or rewarding than that :)
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