The Beautiful Mosaic

           As I write this, one of our team members is already on her way back home and the rest of us are spending the last few moments we have in Toronto processing and sorting through everything we've seen and learned here this summer. Tomorrow is the last day of July, and the month of August has a lot in store for me. However even before I leave Toronto, I've already let my thoughts get consumed by the events and logistics of the coming few weeks, that include everything from weddings of two of my oldest friends, moving in to my new apartment, and beginning a full-time job! So, in the hopes of keeping my thoughts in the present moment, this post will be a summary of how I felt that I have changed and how the Lord has worked in my life this summer, and how I hope this will impact the course of my future as well. 
           This summer has been unlike any experience I’ve ever had, and God has done so much more than I expected or imagined. I came to this city hard-hearted, doubtful, and afraid. But at the same time, I felt a powerful yearning that I can’t adequately explain – I longed for the ways that I knew God would break through all of my negativity assure me of His presence and show me His might. In place of the crippling fear I’ve felt for the past year, I felt a healthy fear that instead moved me forward and helped me put one foot in front of the other as I journeyed towards Toronto. I knew that in the month preceding this trip, God was emptying me completely of myself, and I was fearful but also overjoyed to see the last drop of me fall to the ground, and then see Him completely fill me back up to the point of overflowing. There have been many things I’ve celebrated here this summer, but the real victory was my arrival. Actually getting here was the event that the Lord was leading me towards; I was taking action against the doubts I had and placing my trust in the Lord that He would be here with me, and since then He has not stopped showering me with blessings.
           After spending time with church planters and their wives and families here, I have sensed a pull from the Lord to pursue this idea and lifestyle of church planting. The time that I spent with the women involved was so important for me, because I wanted to see what the daily life and responsibilities are for a woman in this journey. There are many women that are wives of church planters and mothers of their children which are such important roles to fill. One day I may become a wife and mother, but I wanted to see what it would look like for me today as a single woman to be involved in a church plant. I have loved hearing the perspectives of wives and hearing about the different seasons of ministry their families have gone through, and what it looks like to lead as a woman in this environment. I have been so encouraged to hear that there are definitely roles for women to fill based on what their passions are, in addition to possibly filling the roles of wife and mother. This has been very eye opening for me, and has made me even more excited to see where the Lord could lead me within the coming years.
           Toronto itself is a place that looks the same as any other city in the US on the surface, but underneath there are many cultural differences that I’ve recognized, which has made it a fascinating place to live for the past 6 weeks. I love that almost every culture of the world is represented and cherished here, and diversity is built in to the urban way of life. The Canadian nation is described as a mosaic, unlike the melting pot we like to ascribe to the US. As a mosaic, this country sees each individual culture as a unique and beautiful addition to a larger picture of people. If they were all watered down and blended together, the greater picture would lose its entire meaning. I love this idea of community and the need for diversity, and how it's such a great reflection of God's design for His people in 1 Corinthians 12:12-31. There are many things that people here in Toronto value that I want to now carry myself, such as environmental stewardship, cultural vibrance, and desire for community. 
          I have learned so much from the people in this city, the members of my team, the planters that have led and encouraged us, and from my times alone and quiet before the Lord. This has absolutely been a life-shaping experience, and I’m excited for what it means for my life and for the future of the church here in this city! 
          Thank you SO much for the support and the prayers - I have felt your prayers while being here and it has sincerely been the most uplifting part of everything I've experienced. May the Lord bless you so much for your investment in my life and His kingdom!

Time is a tricky thing

I think one thing that I could say about these past 3 weeks in Toronto (and really my past few months) is that time is tricky. Sometimes it feels like so much of it has passed when it really hasn’t at all, or the complete opposite. We’ve been here as a team for three weeks, and we have learned and experienced so much about the city, and we have also had time to rest and reflect. Living in close community with 9 others makes it feel like a lot is going on all the time, and we are constantly challenging each other to dig deeper about our experiences and see God working in them. This makes it seem like so much has occurred in these past 3 weeks, but then I step back and realize that it’s only been 3 weeks.

Something else I have learned is that we all expect God to fit into our finite, distorted, human definition of time, and I have seen so clearly how I impose that on how I think God should work. I have learned a lot about my expectations of when and how things should happen, and I have attempted to rush things and slow things down based on my warped definition of time, which in turn shrinks my definition of God.

When God is present in our lives, we get a glimpse of eternity – a place where time is not confined by hours, days, months, years. God’s presence alone stands outside of time, and when we stand with Him in that place, our definition of time changes and we can see the unimpeded work of His hands.

An insane amount of change has been happening in my life for the past 2 months. God has broken a lot of my plans and expectations for the upcoming year, and has begun rebuilding them in such a short amount of time to re-align them to Himself. This rapid destruction, upheaval, and renewal is making me question if what’s happening is even real. My reality has been changing too quickly for my heart and mind to catch up, and it’s been overwhelming. But I’m seeing that none of what is happening is occurring from my own will and effort – God is weaving his desires for me into my future and moving and shifting things himself, and that has given me so much peace and excitement amidst the confusion.

I no longer want to place my expectations of timing and when things should happen on an infinite and eternal God – I want to be so content in His presence alone and live so fully in that, so I can only experience time the way He does, exactly like this song describes - 

When You Walk Into the Room - Bryan and Katie Torwalt