Heaviness

I knew from the beginning of this whole thing that the hardest part would be leaving Chile. Not getting ready for it, because that was exciting. Not being away from home for 2 months, because I've been away before. Returning to what is familiar and trying to apply the things that God has taught me in my everyday life I knew would be tough. But, I didn't know just how hard it would be to leave until I got here. And the past few days I've been trying to enjoy everything and soak up every last moment that I have here with people that I've come to love so dearly, but I'm so aware of the sadness that sets in every time I realize that days keep passing by, without regard for my hopeless desperation to stop them in their tracks.

This place and these people mean so, so much to me. God planned all along for me to stay with a family that welcomed me in so lovingly, who treated me like their daughter and sister who had always been here. Despite the pain and the difficulties they've faced as a family this past year, they've opened up their lives to me and welcomed me into the church that meets in their home, and I've witnessed firsthand how the Lord is drawing new members and growing the community and fellowship here in His love. And I never would have foreseen that my brother and sister - who live on the opposite side of the world - would have so many things in common with me: our love for music and worship, our hearts for loving kids and affirming their worth and wanting them to know that Christ loves them, regardless of their circumstances. I'm going to miss the heartfelt prayers and late-night chats, the back-and-forth conversations in Spanish (which I have gotten better at with practice), the songs we've sung and played together in both languages, the constant teasing and poking and name-calling, and falling asleep on each other on the couch. And I'm going to miss walking alongside them through hard things and through good things, and seeing what the Lord is doing day by day in their lives.

So, my heart is heavy. I know I'm meant to go home and complete what the Lord has given me to do there, but I will miss them all very, very much. Please pray that I have peace and joy for what is to come, and no regrets about leaving.

My team has been such a support and a blessing as well, and both the Millers' and Jones' are going through transitions as they prepare to return to the states. Please pray that they are able to discern where the Lord is leading them and that they can find homes and supporters when they return for this time.

I am so grateful for Christ's work here in Chile, in my heart and in the hearts of my new friends and team members. I'm completely blown away that I've been used so tangibly in His work here. I want to hold on to this joy and gratefulness so the sadness will be replaced with a growing, unshakeable hope for the next time I will have the opportunity to be used in another part of His Kingdom.

I want my heart to echo the words of Paul when he said -

"I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles, my joy knows no bounds."

2 Corinthians 7:4


That's what I want: despite the pain of separation, I want a joy that knows no bounds. A joy that only comes from Christ.